Oh man, all the world's atwitter with this whole Tiger Woods thing. If you've recently come out from living in a cave amongst the wolves and therefore have no clue what I'm talking about, Tiger has admitted to some extramarital "transgressions" after a series of mishaps starting with a weird car accident and window-bashing by his wife, and culminating in some reality show babe sharing a voicemail where Tiger's allegedly warning her that his wife might be calling her. He issued a pretty long statement about it. Slip on your robe, pour yourself some shiraz and get comfortable, it's a long read. I didn't even read the whole thing but I recall apologies to his wife and harsh words to the media for the lack of privacy, blahblahblah.
I'm like you, I have opinions on this. I'm admittedly surprised, he always seemed wholesome and, well, sort of non-sexual to me (I know he has kids, I guess he's just not my type). But you know what? I'm not a morality-hawker. I mean how can I judge when I once had sex in a port-a-potty?
What? We both lived at home and had nowhere else to go.
Anyway yeah, it's not my place to be wagging my finger at Tiger. It is however, apropos because of recent occurrences in my life. Look, being single and meeting people is hard enough but when unavailable guys are all up in your Kool-Aid it can be disheartening. Case in point: recently I went to a friend's party. A gent tickled my fancy but I played it very nonchalant until I could see, out of the corner of my eye, that he was giving me the once-over. At the self-serve booze station he was refilling his glass so I coincidentally went over there to do the same. "Can I top you off?" he said with a smirk. I don't have to tell you how much I liked that so he filled my glass, then introduced himself. I did the same and went back to chatting with my friends because, you know, you can't seem too eager. Later this fellow and I found ourselves alone together and we chopped it up. He was attractive, interesting, good-looking, artistic and at this party with his brother -- this seemed promising. It also turned out we lived fairly close to one another so when, after many libations, he decided he needed to go home I grabbed the bull by the horns and asked if he'd be willing to share a cab. He was willing. Now I was with this guy flirting and stealing glances for, oh, 4 hours. We talked and laughed, had a great time. It's on the cab ride home that he reveals to me he has a girlfriend...that he lives with.
The fuck?
After some pontification about how "crazy" it was to have experienced a "connection" with me, yadda yadda, he asked if he could kiss me. I then asked, "Oh, does your girlfriend let you kiss other women?" and he said something unintelligible. He moved in and I responded, I'm not gonna lie, which is where I'm now the asshole but my favorite part after the kiss, when I expressed annoyance at the situation, is where he replied, "Hey, we're both adults".
Such a convenient excuse whilst doing some shady shit.
So ok, this guy wasn't married, and it was just a kiss (with tongue, nice and slow, the way I like it). That's not a full-on affair. Of course a week later at, get this, a memorial service a much older married man enjoyed my chat with him (about himself) so much that he added me on Facebook. And then he suggested we get together for coffee to discuss the memorial further. Huh? I ignored the invitation. But I'm perplexed by those who are tied down yet in pursuit of things elsewhere, or who at least allow themselves to play with fire. I'm genuinely single and looking for something real, what's in it for me to chase after someone who already has somebody? I mean maybe you won't eat all my tortilla chips and use up all my toilet paper since you have someone to go home to I guess but I mean, what else do I get? I guess with Tiger there's some financial incentive since he's richer than God, and mistresses all want to be put up in some swank Vegas lovenest perfect for secret fucking on the bearskin rug, but does that really happen? I once played around with a guy who said he was on the outs with his girlfriend and the extent of our fumblings was beneath some overpass in San Francisco where he got off but I didn't. And it was all cold that night, I just wanted him to hurry up and finish dammit. I bet even a bunch of the rich guys roll like that. They can't leave paper trails and you know their wives are all up in their finances. Tiger's wife probably has an Excel spreadsheet full of pivot tables and macros.
Another thing I think about is this: is anyone really happy after having been with someone for years and years, with kids and all that? Over the summer my therapist basically told me I had some kind of fear of commitment which is why I keep dating non-committal guys. Self-sabotage. It's an interesting theory and when I really dig deep, I know I have a lot of concerns: what if I start digging someone else? what if he starts digging someone else? do you really love someone forever? can I handle children? I mean marriage is supposed to be for the rest of your life. Always. Forever. Til death do you part. As in, you have to die in order to be done with this relationship. Granted, I know this isn't literal but I mean, you hope people enter into marriage understanding the gravity of this move. I don't think they do, or maybe to be married and a parent is so ingrained in our culture as something people must do that the reasoning behind it is completely lost. Perhaps the greatest irony in all this is that we want to protect the sanctity of marriage so much that we won't allow those of the same sex to do it. Why does this make sense? So I see infidelities among people I know, people whom I thought were happy and had their relationships all figured out, and I wonder how someone as utterly lusty, fickle, easily-annoyed and imperfect as I am can do it.
If Tiger can't do it, can anyone?
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